damn its been a minute since i last blogged!! forgive me lol (damn i act like im some blogging queen and folks read my blog everyday faithfully! ha!)

well whats been up? ummm nothing much...

im selling more things on ebay...trying to make a come up...because i dont want a "real job" lol

taking pictures of "stuff" and selling them to a design firm...because again...i dont want a "real job" lol...

hanging out with my son...so i can tell people im a stay at home mom...because i dont want to feel bad because i dont have a "real job" lol..

i donno..i love being home with my son!!...i love taking pics of "stuff" and i love ebaying...and hey...fuck it lol...its getting me some money...so ill keep doing it til it dies down..


my friend derek is getting married...he asked his "live in" girlfriend to marry him..and he texted me saying "SHE SAID YES!!" lol its kinda funny to me that he would text saying that...because i assumed he KNEW she would say yes lol...men are funny!

oh yeah dad's first cousin died...which has been really sad...she and i were pregnant together...and i donno...she has 3 children...who are now left motherless and fatherless...after the oldest two's father died a year ago...and the youngest...im not quite sure where her father is...but its just a really sad situation..she was only 27...

and my only thoughts about it all is..life is soo short...especially when you are a parent...i just want to spend all my time with kpp...so if anything happens...we have great memories..lots of pictures...and love that will last two lifetimes...man i love this kid...im watching him sleep right now...

i love how his body moves a little when he breaths in and out...how he sucks his fingers until he falls asleep...he is such a great kid...and i looooove him sooo much...

so you ask...you arent working yet? lol and my answer is "hell no...i love my son too much lol...im still getting paid severance!!!!" lol

sooooo im helping my friend nikki find some cute clothes the other day in the mall...

some days she can look really pretty and feminine...but other days...she looks like a boy!

so we are in my favorite store lol (only because im a big girl! lol) LANE BRYANT....and the sales associate comes to help us in our never ending cycle of trying to dress cute lol...

she comes over...(ummm lets call her katie)...

katie: hey guys
us: hi
katie:what are you looking for
me: something for her to put with this SKIRT...
katie: you would wear that with this skirt...(while i hold up a shirt)
me: umm no .....(but thinking nikki would)
me: yeah im trying to find her some CUTE clothes...so she doesnt look sooo gay...or like a little boy....(talking about nikki)
katie: do you think i look like a lesbian
me: umm yeah! (she has on some blue jean outfit..wrinkles..pants sagging...black shirt...hair pulled back...damn i wish i had a cameraphone)...
katie: "laughs".... well let me help you find her something

well as katie walks around in hopes of finding something "cute"...nikki and i keep on looking...well we come up with something on our own...while katie says something like...

"ooh you are trying to DE-DYKE-ATIZE her..."

and ooooh my god!! nikki and i died laughing...because yeah its funny..but man its soo true....

i am trying to dedykeatize her...lol......and so she looks pretty lol...(yeah yeah yeah lol i know im a priss!)....AND! so when we are together folks arent looking at us lol

but then the jacked up part about it is....i was listening to india aire...and her song "video"...says...

I’m not the average girl from your video
And I ain’t built like a supermodel
But I learned to love myself unconditionally,
Because I am a queen
When I look in the mirror and the only one there is me
Every freckle on my face is where it’s suppose to be
And I know my creator didn’t make no mistakes on me
My feet, my thighs, my Lips, my eyes, I’m loving what I see

it was just really intresting that we would be going through all of this "change".....and i think..is she doing this for me? because i like to look pretty??..she wants to look pretty when we are around each other lol?? Lol...

i feel like that what song says..when i, luuvely, look in the mirror...im fine with how i look..my fat stomachl...my big legs...my fat short fat fingers lol...my big butt...my eyes...my lips...my thighs...im loving what i see......and want people around me to look good and love themselves too.......i donno...

i always think...if someone doesnt takes the time to look in the mirror at themselves..they are afraid of something...they are afraid of what they may see...if someone doesn't care about their outward appearance...i feel like...something is going on..on the inside...i guess this is what im trying to do with her...have her look pretty on the outside...and somehow all that pretty will seep itself down to her spirit...

i know whenever i feel sad...if i look in the mirror or put on something cute...it always brightens my spirit....so i donno...

should i except her for the person she is...this selfloathing "my life is bad" ...complaining about everything lol...(because the rain dropped on her lip! her words)...hates her "boney legs (her words)"....lol....a person who doesnt even look in the mirror in the morning (her words lol) lol...or do i try and help her to see that she is beautiful and loved...

and no no no...a skirt wont do it...but i think when she tried on some of the clothes she saw that she is really pretty...she saw that she is great...and loved..and can be happy...can be herself...and not overdress and madeup..just her...pretty..natural....and alittle girlie girl lol...hahaaaha (YES IM PRISSY!!).

or do i forget about it all..and leave her alone?? i donno...let her be whomever she wants to be..and let it go??

lol my sister called me last night and said..."you didnt tell me happy birthday...and its almost over....."....it was like 10pm or something...she is sooo crazy...so i said happy birthday and we talked while she waited to have dinner and watch the basketball game with my cousin...it was his gift to her...lol...we are all alike yet different lol...give me and her sports and food...and you got us in your pocket lol...

wow....we are getting older...im glad she called me...i kept having this weird dream about my mother having a breakdown...and in the dream my sister kept saying weird things...(getting on my nerves)....i kept telling her to shut up...she would have a turn to talk...lol...im sooo bossy!!!...even in my dreams lol....i guess thats why she was in my dream...it was her birthday!!!....my self conscience mind was telling me to call her lol...

im really happy she is happy about turning a year older...its nice...i know when my mother turned thirty i thought she was dying....my mother told us to go outside to play.....while closing her room's door.....and my sister gathered us together (because she was the oldest) and made us do what my mother said...we had a porch connected to the front of the house...my mother's bedroom window was right on the front porch...she had sheers up to her window...so i could see right through...i saw her laying on the bed..with her face in the pillow....its wild..because i can remember this like it was yesterday...well...i asked faith, my oldest sister, while we looked in my mothers window... "whats wrong with her??..." and my sisters response was..."she turned 30 today..."...it always seemed like my sister knew everything...(still does kinda)...she always knew what the grown ups were doing and where they were going......and i knew if i asked her..she would know...well my reply to this was...."wow!!" i was thinking..."MAN!!!!..she must really be sad...she is about to die!!!"...( i was only 11 years old lol)....so i got really sad from seeing my mother crying.....not knowing that i wouldnt think thirty was soo bad...shoot...i think its a great age to be..lol...

well for years i always dreaded turning the big 30...but now..that im getting closer and closer to that age...i find myself rather happy...people will respect you alittle bit more...and respect the fact that.."you've been through something"..........

so koooootoooooossss to my big sister..HAPPY BIRTHDAY! LOL......she isnt 30...lol she is over 30...and LOVING LIFE!...

love ya!!!

my hair...ummm it looks okay...alot lighter than i wanted it to be...but its growing on me...i think its kinda cute now...lol...ill have to snap a picture for the world to see...

for most people....finding true loves comes once in a lifetime...when love comes...some catch it and some let it pass by....when you least expect it...when you absolutely have no idea...is the time when love finds itself fit to enter your life...

one day a man introduced himself to me....in need of someone to talk to...we both made attempts to learn more about each other....soon i would find myself in love with this man....sharing everything that was mine...soon enough...he would open my mind and my soul and take it upon himself to enter....there are few that i can trust to do such a thing...and i am sooo glad that he is another person i can love...you can never have too much...

this is my tribute to him...years before we meet...he lived a life full of happiness and pain...he went years without me in his life....all the things he's experienced...all the people that he's grown to know and love...all of life's influences has developed him into the man that i want to spend the rest of my life with...sometimes my thoughts become so engulfed in this man...i just wonder what his life was like growing up....i only wish i could view every moment...i love him...and his name is........

where are you?...somedays i wish you were right here...but i know someday it will be...or on those other days... i find myself ready to be without you in this life...will love be?...will it be between us??...

who are you?? what is your name?? have i seen you before?? will you come to me? or will i have to come to you?? whats your name??......................

oh yes...i remember now.....mister....i remember now...i see your face...i see your face in my mind...EVERYDAY....what was i thinking...i remember you now...i remember those eyes...those lips...soo kissable...will i ever kiss them again???....where are you?? where have you been hiding...

one day we will meet again...and ill be ready.....ready and not running....will you be ready??...not pushing me out...we will be still and love...still and love....we will be still and love each other...the way we need to be loved...

awww today i had the best day....kpp went to the park..and played for a while in the water...he had such a blast!!!

of course i took pics! in his baby speedo lol...with his big belly!


he did this the whole time...just running around..







he didnt really want to get too wet..lol...and its hilarious when the water sprays him...he gets alittle fickle lol


so then i catch him talking to some older girls lol..they love him already...one was trying to pick him up over the fence lol...i guess he thought they were too old for him so he started talking to some other chick his own age lol...


i guess he had enough because he went back to the water...playing and running...


but then she found him again! lol


he had such a good time...and this is really the extent of it lol...him kinda touching the water...


i saw parents trying to throw their kids in the water...kinda making them do something they obviously didnt want to do...it was kinda sad...i think it makes kids scared of things..mainly the water...


he couldnt stand being with the little kids any longer...so he ran away and got on the side with all the big kids...he is soo funny to me..its almost like the little kids were boring him or something...


after watching and playing with him...i was ready to go..but of course he was NOT!...so it took alittle coxing to get him to get ready to go...but not until he laid on the grown...







i guess thats his "falling out" thing...but "WHATEVER!...get your butt up, TUGA, and lets go!"...lol is what i said...lol...(tuga..is what i call him sometimes..short for sugar...i have nooo idea where i got that from lol)

he finally came along after finding something else to get in to...some paint on the ground lol


i got him dressed and he ran off lol to climb up and down the stairs...this was my first time ever seeing him climb down the stairs...im usually there to help him..but i never knew he could do it on his own lol...


of course we couldnt just leave...we had to go to the playground...he spotted it before i could turn the corner...


the playground was really cool...because i got some video of him sliding down the slide for the first time...its crazy...he is growing up right in front of me...and when i see him doing "big kid" things...i get alittle sad...not really sad..but kinda like...awwwww he isnt that little baby i brought home from the hospital anymore...who needs my tender loving care 24/7!

but we finally got out of the park and into the car....
and he was exhausted...he feel asleep on the way home! a good day!

awwww i loove him!!!

this is off the domb baby....

thinkin of you and our whole situation
livin miles away but somehow I stay patient
see.....my mind frame is consentrated on the future...of you and I
building a dam to stop these rivers of pain running through our lives
some times I get so frustrated
thinkin how close we was to ending this and we barely made it
but what would my life be without you?
or what would this relationship be without truth?
it'd be a wreck
and I reck-on
I'd have no solid ground to step on
how hard it would be to take a breath and then just try and press on
i know i'd be worse without you
"its really all about you"
its a quote but its all true
if i were in destress id call you
cause youre the one, black woman..china eyes
and wide thighs
when we gradually meet on an opinion and you comply
the only women that i ever loved in my life
sexy thang...you blush when i say that
displacement of trust between us? you dont play that
ill take you way back
when we first beginn as seeds above land in the open
we open up the land
and then began
growin
dos amigos

awww yesterday was soo fun and relaxing...i went to the pool for the first time this summer...i couldnt wait to get there...i ate a light lunch before going...but all i could hear was "wait at least an hour before swimming" something all parents say...

so i did...(even when there were know parents around..shit i am the parent!)

but wow the pool was fun...being outside in the heat in the pool is sooo nice....yeah it was a good day...

then on top of all that....dad had a mishap with his car and me and my friend had to go and pick kpp up...

aww i love that kid..when i got there...kpp was all greasy lol holding too pennys lol...dad is soo crazy lol.....he probably thought i was upset or maybe that he foiled my plans...but to be honest...lol i have no life nor do i have plans...(truth be told......its a secret i try to keep lol so people think im cool...you know busy busy busy lol.....dont tell anyone lol)...but man i always love spending time with kpp....and he looked sooo dirty and cute lol...well both of them did...like awww.....my boy...he was the CHERRY on my wonderful sundae....

its kinda weird and kinda sad...the fact that i have nooo life...so whenever dad cant or is late...for whatever reason...i really dont mind anymore because i know his intentions are good...lol...cause without kpp around...THERE IS NO PARTY LOL....

so yeah...after a good day of swimming...i get my boy! lol...and ride around....come home...and chill out...

a good day...seems like most days these days are pleasant and boring lol...somedays i really want to liven up my life...but i know that whatever party I CREATE...isnt always a goodgirl party lol...so that would mean me getting into some trouble...

you know like my grandmother's neighbor for years down in mississippi MR BILL would always say..."these young kids out here smoking these left handed cigarettes...listening to the devils music...and watching all this devil tv...and eating all this devil'd filled foods......."

so i stay patient in hopes that a good clean wholesome party comes to me....LOL...

oooooooooooh i got this off end's page lol....

The Keys to Your Heart

You are attracted to those who are unbridled, untrammeled, and free.

In love, you feel the most alive when your lover is creative and never lets you feel bored.

You'd like to your lover to think you are loyal and faithful... that you'll never change.

You would be forced to break up with someone who was emotional, moody, and difficult to please.

Your ideal relationship is lasting. You want a relationship that looks to the future... one you can grow with.

Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment.

You think of marriage as something precious. You'll treasure marriage and treat it as sacred.

In this moment, you think of love as something you thirst for. You'll do anything for love, but you won't fall for it easily.

What Are The Keys To Your Heart?

man i love ebay...ive been selling a few things on ebay..but i want to find my nitch...

ive been looking at different people's ebay stores..and they sell cool things...orginal art items...like this guy..kandibox...
kandi box's art...

or this guy...fandabby...
f and abbys cushions..and wow i have one!

check it out...pretty cool...so wow if i could think of something cool to make i would be in the money lol

but what will it be??



oh yeah...we went to see madagascar last night...great animation...but man the movie wasnt that great...but kpp was in to...so lol i guess thats all that matters...i give madagascar a c...great animation..no storyline...

damn its hot lol...i made a doctors appointment early today..thinking it wouldnt be sooo damn hot...well i was awaken to the tv...(my 630am alarm clock lol)

todd dykes says "today's weather is HOT!...its 76 degrees WOW"

hahahah lol i guess it has to be hot...it has to be summer...so i need to shut up about it and just be grateful i have an airconditioner lol...

oh yeah...im on a picture taking high...

her are some new pics of me and the baby boy....


man we got good tans down in mississippi...and yesterday out all day in the sun...i love it!!

we went to his grandmothers house and she commented to kpp..."you are getting black"...and man i hate when people say that...its usually only african american people who say it......but man i love to get tanned...its a code for summer to me...its wonderful...i love to see kpp darker...when i see tan (on black folks lol) i think summmmmer fun!! swimming!!

not a negative...i love being outside well when its shade involved lol...but the comment made me think...like wow...black folks still have issue with color and its 2005....




oh yeah and me trying to be sexy...did it work lol

its officially HOT AS HELL!!!.....i HAD to turn on my airconditioner lol...im soooo cheap about that kinda thing...but man i hate being hot lol....oh well...its cool now with the air on!!


but here is the latest pic of me and kpp...he is suuuch a big boy now...its amazing to watch him grow...its such a great experience....we communicate soo much better these days....he can point at the things he wants...or shake his head "no" for things he doesnt want...i love this kid!!! GO KPP!!

i think its time for me to start looking for a new job lol...ive been home long enough...ive done everything i really wanted to do...have fun with kpp...fix my place up...bought plenty of stuff...

but i think its time...

so where will i look first??...

i want a cool job..just like my last job...but i know it will be difficult to find...cool people and a cool boss...

i really wish i could be my own boss...im really excited because i sold some stuff on ebay..and ive been making alittle money from it...but can i really do that for a living?

hey im back...im soo happy to be back home...i think kpp is too...he walked in the house today and looked around lol...and then looked back at me like "oooh home sweet home"...

but everything went well...the funeral was really nice...my grandmother was loved by soooo many people...i mean it was really crazy to see alllll those people there...standing room only...its sooo weird to be down in mississippi and for her not be there with us...its crazy...that small town...everyone took care of her...everyone loved her..and it filled my heart to see it..to see folks talk about her like they did...they told the truth about her...how giving and loving and compassionate she was...how much she looooved her family...and i mean looved...some even knew first hand how she didnt have so we were all provided for...

i love those woman...i love those woman who will do that...who will provide for their family..who will feed their family and go hungry..i looove those strong black women!!!...and my grandmother was one of those woman...ill have to put some pics up of her...she was soo pretty...really gorgeous as a young girl and mother...i mean really pretty lol...

but the trip was good...and and my family didnt fight much...lol...

the drive down there was horrible...but the drive back was cool...because we stayed in a hotel!!!...i couldnt take it anymore!...i was soo ready to just be in a bed sleep...so thats what we did...slept somewhere right outside of louisville....

i have some pics but they arent that great...ill download them later and put them up...

night... :)

so im going to mississippi tomorrow...a place i havent been in a while...well i went there last summer but before that...man soooooooo long....i know this time it will be different...alot of old friends will come to my grandmother's house...visiting..sharing...cooking...

and im just sitting here thinking...how fun that will be (hoooray hooorrayy...yepee! :( SIKE!)

its kinda funny because when i talk to my sisters or my mom i dont seem as sad as them...and im just wondering tonight is that mean?...should i be alittle bit more hurt?...alittle bit more sad?...i donno...

i guess when we get down to mississippi things may be alittle different...but right now...i dont really feel much...much sadness that is...

its really weird...i feel really good...and happy...but not sad...and im just wondering..is this an emotion that lots of people feel.......

my grandmother passed away today...and im doing okay...im more worried about my sisters and mother than me...this poem should be a life's lesson to us all...i basically wanted to convey that life goes really fast...and we should slow down to visit each other...to help each other and to love each other...

SLOW DOWN

Slow Down Have you ever watched kids on a merry-go-round
Or listened to the rain lapping on the ground?
Ever followed a butterfly`s erratic flight
Or gazed at the sun into the fading night?
You better slow down
Don`t dance so fast
Time is short
The music won`t last
Do you run through each day on the fly?
When you ask, "How are you?" Do you hear the reply?
When the day is done, do you lie in your bed with the next hundred chores
Running through your head?
You`d better slow down
Don`t dance so fast
Time is short
The music won`t last
Ever told your child, We`ll do it tomorrow
And in your haste, not see his sorrow?
Ever lost touch, Let a good friendship die
Cause you never had time to call and say "Hi"?
You`d better slow down
Don`t dance so fast
Time is short
The music won`t last
When you run so fast to get somewhere
You miss half the fun of getting there.
When you worry and hurry through your day,
It is like an unopened gift...
Thrown away...
Life is not a race.
Do take it slower
Hear the music
Before the song is over.

luuvely :)

Yesterday went soo much better than I expected!!! im soo happy!...kpp is doing well..

we woke up and got ready.....and waited for dad to get here..


after dad arrived we went out to children’s hospital...its weird because i wasn’t nervous at all...id read to kpp the entire morning so i think he was really happy...the only bad part was the fact that he ended up going to sleep on the way there...so when we got there he was a little cranky...until he saw all the toys....

i put his hospital gown on after the short work up the nurse gave him...

and he was being his normal active self...trying to open doors and explore!

until dad had to lay down the law lol and made him sit in his lap lol...

so of course he copped a quick attitude. grabbed his puppy and went back to " baby mode"..oh yeah that’s the puppy...he loooves that thing! (don’t tell him but i think it USED to be soo cute..now its all ratty!)

but quickly got over his attitude and begin to mess with his favorite thing! BLINDS!!!


so i made him sit with me for a bit on the bed...until the nurses and doctors were ready for him...


the camera was a good distraction...so he was okay for a little bit...

well they were ready now...the anesthesiologist had come into the room and told us that he would be kicking and flailing all over the place..(or at least that’s what i heard lol)....so i was a little nervous to go back to the surgery side room with him...well we all went back..Everyone was sooooooo nice!....the anesthesiologist put the little mask over his face..while everyone kinda stood around...while he played with a little toy...and it began....now i was good up until this point...he took breathes...and his eyes got heavier and heavier...and then...he was out...i saw his little eyes roll back in his head. and that’s when i kinda lost it lol...i teared up...i didn’t like go crazy...i just teared up...the nurse saw that so she tried to console me a bit..and dad was right there...he always seems to be soo unmoved by things...its kinda weird to me lol..
MEN! LOL..(well i guess that would be weird to an overemotional person such as myself lol) we all walked out of the surgery room and let the doctors do what they needed to do for him...

we went into the waiting room...i read my magazines and dad brought his books to study for his tests...so we were occupied...it was really a nice and quiet area...we had a view of a little lake...very nice......i ended up falling asleep because i hadn’t had much sleep the night before....until i smelled this little kids butt...he had popped lol...it woke me up out of my sleep...but i couldn’t say anything because i wasnt completely awake lol...well i finally woke up dad and i talked a bit and then out of no where...
THE DOCTOR COMES IN!...(they said the surgery would last about and hour and half...and man it had only been 45 minutes!)

He came to us and told us how the surgery went...WONDERFULLY...(his words)..we were really glad to hear that...and soon a nurse would be out to get us so we could go and see our boy..

well we walked back to the room...excited to see how he was doing..and of course we had to pass all these other little kids..which made my heart break...and he was at the very end of the line...laying in the nurse's lap sipping out of his sippy...and holding on tight to his puppy..awake none the less!

The nurse instructed us to sit down and love him basically...so that’s exactly what we did..

its really weird how he stayed awake long enough to see us..and then fell right back to sleep...dad said maybe kpp didnt think he was okay until we were back there..

after all thats went on yesterday...kpp going out like a light...him even having surgery...dad turns to me and says lol...(me ad-libbing our conversation)

dad: im having a real problem with this...
me: what?
dad: that door over there says pull??
me: what?
dad: that door says pull...that’s not cool..
me: what?? out of all that has gone on today you are worried about the door saying PULL? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
dad: yeah this is worrying me! hahahahaha..these are doctors and nurses...why do they need a sign on a door that says pull...
me: yeah looks like someone just stuck that up there...get the camera and take a picture lol..this is going right on my blog lol..
dad: *taking pictures* hahahahahahah



we have a looooong laugh...it kinda lightening my mood up a bit and that was my first smile of the day...a door that said pull lol...its funny how he has a way of being sooo strong and sooo unmoved by things...but this door that had a sticker that said pull...made him uneasy...lol...crazy! huh? lol

well they let us go home rather quickly...and all is well...we get home...kpp is still kinda out of it..and still kinda weak...



but i managed to wake him a bit and have him drink a little bit...because i know he was soo thirsty and sooo tired!...i would’ve been...

he finally wakes up a bit and i put on "HIS MOVIE" and he sits with dad....


after a long day..me and dad are getting tired and it comes to the point where he needs to go home and get some rest..and kpp and i need to sleep...well dad leaves but before he does...kpp does this little weird thing lol...like he didnt want to be left alone with me...kinda hurt my feelings lol but oh well..he is sick lol ill give him the benefit of the doubt!! lol...but dad reminds me that he could eat some crackers...and he leaves...

well we get ready to get in bed...i lay the crackers on the bed beside him (he is still groggy) and leave out of the room to get some other things we may need during the night....well this is what i come back to...

kpp grubbing on the crackers lol...he was soooo hungry...he had probably eaten 3 before i could get back...he had another 4 before laying down to go to sleep...its soo crazy how neither one of us thought about crackers all day lol..my poor baby was sooo hungry..lol...

but im soo happy everything went well..i mean everything...his surgeon was soo nice and explained everything..and all the nurses and all the helpers....i really wouldnt have wanted it any other way...

kpp, again, is doing GREAT...HE IS A WONDERFUL SON!...

tomorrow kpp has his surgery...its kinda weird because im just alittle scared...usually im sooooo scared about everything...but i know i have to be strong for kpp...he has a long recovery period...so that's what really worries me..how will his recovery be...im sooooo overprotective...i know he will get sick of me...not letting him climb on stuff...not letting him get down by himself...but oh well...its for his safety really...

dad will go with me tomorrow..and im kinda noided out...like i know he will not want to talk much..and im suuuch a talker lol...he is like a church mouse sometimes...well all the time...so i guess i need to take lots of magazines...so i have something to do...oh well...we are soo different...i hope kpp learns from the both of us...the good and bad qualities that we both have...and take the best between us two....

i honestly hope and prays the kpp becomes a great man...with a sense of himself and love for his family..neither me or dad have that strong family safety net...not to say we dont love our family but we shy away easily...its always easy to hide behind what your family wants you to be...when you really havent reached their expected goals...its always easy to pretend that you are "that person" when in reality you really arent...but with all that said...i want kpp to loooove his family...i wish i had more children (at least one lol) so he isnt the only child...but i know i probably wont have anymore lol...i just dont want him to be alone...an only child with all those issues!!!!!...especially the issue of an overprotective mother lol...his little butt will be in theraphy as soon as he can talk lol...if i had at least one more child lol i dont think i would have the time to be THAT overprotective lol...who am i kidding...i would be the same way...just more tired lol....

okay im going to bed...we have a big day ahead...and i want to be rested up so i dont talk dad's ear off! lol....

okay...last night i said i give up on love....but i cant do that...i cant give up on love...its not me...

i love to be loved...and i love to love others...some might even say...i love too hard...

but its okay...im ready to give of myself...im ready to love...(im scared) but im ready....

i may just meet someone ready for what i have to offer...

....im ready to love again...

ps...i didnt get rid of the box...but i did get rid of one of the things in it...

im giving up on love!!! i cant get it right....

i told "the box" that im giving up....
i dont think he believes me...
but im serious....