de-dyke-atize!

sooooo im helping my friend nikki find some cute clothes the other day in the mall...

some days she can look really pretty and feminine...but other days...she looks like a boy!

so we are in my favorite store lol (only because im a big girl! lol) LANE BRYANT....and the sales associate comes to help us in our never ending cycle of trying to dress cute lol...

she comes over...(ummm lets call her katie)...

katie: hey guys
us: hi
katie:what are you looking for
me: something for her to put with this SKIRT...
katie: you would wear that with this skirt...(while i hold up a shirt)
me: umm no .....(but thinking nikki would)
me: yeah im trying to find her some CUTE clothes...so she doesnt look sooo gay...or like a little boy....(talking about nikki)
katie: do you think i look like a lesbian
me: umm yeah! (she has on some blue jean outfit..wrinkles..pants sagging...black shirt...hair pulled back...damn i wish i had a cameraphone)...
katie: "laughs".... well let me help you find her something

well as katie walks around in hopes of finding something "cute"...nikki and i keep on looking...well we come up with something on our own...while katie says something like...

"ooh you are trying to DE-DYKE-ATIZE her..."

and ooooh my god!! nikki and i died laughing...because yeah its funny..but man its soo true....

i am trying to dedykeatize her...lol......and so she looks pretty lol...(yeah yeah yeah lol i know im a priss!)....AND! so when we are together folks arent looking at us lol

but then the jacked up part about it is....i was listening to india aire...and her song "video"...says...

I’m not the average girl from your video
And I ain’t built like a supermodel
But I learned to love myself unconditionally,
Because I am a queen
When I look in the mirror and the only one there is me
Every freckle on my face is where it’s suppose to be
And I know my creator didn’t make no mistakes on me
My feet, my thighs, my Lips, my eyes, I’m loving what I see

it was just really intresting that we would be going through all of this "change".....and i think..is she doing this for me? because i like to look pretty??..she wants to look pretty when we are around each other lol?? Lol...

i feel like that what song says..when i, luuvely, look in the mirror...im fine with how i look..my fat stomachl...my big legs...my fat short fat fingers lol...my big butt...my eyes...my lips...my thighs...im loving what i see......and want people around me to look good and love themselves too.......i donno...

i always think...if someone doesnt takes the time to look in the mirror at themselves..they are afraid of something...they are afraid of what they may see...if someone doesn't care about their outward appearance...i feel like...something is going on..on the inside...i guess this is what im trying to do with her...have her look pretty on the outside...and somehow all that pretty will seep itself down to her spirit...

i know whenever i feel sad...if i look in the mirror or put on something cute...it always brightens my spirit....so i donno...

should i except her for the person she is...this selfloathing "my life is bad" ...complaining about everything lol...(because the rain dropped on her lip! her words)...hates her "boney legs (her words)"....lol....a person who doesnt even look in the mirror in the morning (her words lol) lol...or do i try and help her to see that she is beautiful and loved...

and no no no...a skirt wont do it...but i think when she tried on some of the clothes she saw that she is really pretty...she saw that she is great...and loved..and can be happy...can be herself...and not overdress and madeup..just her...pretty..natural....and alittle girlie girl lol...hahaaaha (YES IM PRISSY!!).

or do i forget about it all..and leave her alone?? i donno...let her be whomever she wants to be..and let it go??