oooh i have been slacking on my blog lately..i found that yahoo 360 blog..and its soo cool and easy...to get connected...listen to me..i sound like a damn commerical..but that ish is pretty cool...i was on it last night for like 2 hours looking at different people...

yeah yeah yeah...about my weekend...lol i wrote about it on my "other blog" damn i love that 360...

but anyway i was asked to come up to cleveland for christmas by my second mom and her sisters...

and i was just thinking...damn kpp has a father...whom im not with..but yet its still his father and who is active in his life...okay...so...i dont have a life...i never do anything for chirstmas...maybe go to my familys house...we didnt last year because of the big snow storm...but my question is...can i really take kpp out of town for christmas?? his father is here in town...would that be right?...and then im thinking...do families have this debate all the time?? like where will the child be for christmas?....is that fair to dad?? but then i think about it like this...when will i ever be able to do something? his family and friends live in this city...i dont have family here...so whenever i want to go out of town for a holiday...what will happen?...will i always decline so my son will have both parents for holidays??...its really sad when i think about it...i wish things could be different..but they arent...this is what they mean on the today show when they say things like..yeah you arent married but it seems like you have gotten a divorce....i dont know what to do...i would really like to go up there for christmas..i havent spent a christmas with them in years..but on the other hand...is it mean?...when do i get to live my life?? when kpp can choose which parent he wants to stay with when?? or is that wrong too? like making a child choose?...its wild...and damn it makes me sad to think...i put my baby boy in this situation...by not thinking before i act...

ok..so thats the question..is it wrong to take your child out of town on holidays...when his father is active in his life??...so like his father will miss out on his christmas...or like corey said...we will celebrate christmas before christmas.....i donno..corey said nothing is wrong with it...my friend girl said...i didnt ask to be a single parent...i mean yeah..no but this was a consequence when i laid down..that this shit could happen...we werent together...so ummm..lol..right...

okay again i ask...is this wrong? or just a fact of life? when two people arent together...and they have a child??

i was told by my uncle and stepmom friday that my little cousin has a brain tumor...its not malignant...nor it is an AVM...which are both good things...but it is inoperable...

having children is suuuch a great thing...its suuch a great experience...but i tell you...this is the only downfall...worrying...praying that nothing happens to them...i love kpp soo much...and i pray daily that he is safe with the Lord watching over him...especially when we aren't together...

here he is...i couldn't resist not showing him any longer lol...last week was the last warm week....its back to jackets and jeans...so i decided i would take the camera to the park with us....wow...i got some good shots...especially the last one! lol...with him crying looking up to the heavens hahahaa...he is suuuuch a character!!!




kpp looking like a big boy...it was rather surprising when i put this outfit on him...he looked like he was 3 or 4...odd what clothes can do...



and this red hat...i just turned it to the back..not knowing that he would look sooo dang cute hhahaha!!!





okay night...i have to finish watching the bengals!!...im hoping they win it tonight!..damn i cant believe im rooting for the bengals! lol this is hilarious!!

so ummm nikki wants to be featured on my blog...

she wants me to talk about what good things she does...
she wants me to talk about what bad things she does...
she wants me to talk about how on thursdays because its her day off (ummm and because i dont have a job) we hang out....
she wants me to talk about her...

so ummm what should i say??

she is...ummm my friend...simply put...

i guess she wants me to tell some elaborate tale of mystery or how we yell at little kids while driving by (well that was me lol but you get my drift)...
or how we laugh sooo hard that my stomach starts to hurt...and i see her change into the mean "white girl" (well she doesnt know thats what i call it...but i guess once she reads this she will..lol)

i guess she wants me to tell you guys how i looooove nerds and geeks (her being a nerd) and i befreind them because i love them...because they teach me something new everyday...
i donno...i guess she wants me to discuss how "white" she is to me...
shit i donno what she wants me to say....so ill say this...

YOU MADE IT TO MY BLOG!....you are my favorite suburan, oreo cookie, catholic, proper talking, little white girl...(in a black chicks body lol)..YOU ARE NOW BLOG FAMOUS!!!

so one time my friend said that blogging was simply...complacency....narcissism...you know two not so common words for the more common word of conceit!.....

do you think thats true?

i guess when you look at it...honestly....we are all a little conceited...We all want to talk about ourselves...we all love ourselves in our own special way(whether that be self-loathing or delightful)...we all want to be accepted and recognized for what we know or how we look or what we did...or even what we didnt do for that matter....we all want to leave our mark on society and in history in some way...enormous or insignificant lol...(as you can see im using bigger words every since i saw corey...i couldve just said...big or small lol)

so is blogging how we, the 20 somethings...me being closer to the => 30 somethings...is this how we do it?? by bloggin?.....

over the last month...ive read blogs of friends who swore way back when...when i made my first website grandstanding on the fact that i was who i was!...my site was impregnated with beautiful pictures of me and my world, countless pieces of my very own mythological poetry (well what i thought to be anyway lol).....and enough stories of my life that would fill a small stadium lol....but they all said....shit...they vowed..."I WOULD NEVER DO THAT...its too open for all to see..."...well here it is...2005...yeah they are slow on the uptake...but they made it...congratulations! :) im glad you've joined me....(well me and the rest of the world...)...i guess im writing all of this because i read the blog of one of my favorite people tonight...he is my muse for this blog entry...

i guess my question now is....why?....if i said i knew the answer they would all call me the "know it all" they all think i am lol...they would say.."what do you really know" lol...so ill ask?...why? why did you join us??...so you too could parade your thoughts and lives over the internet..??....its great isnt it!! hahahaha!!! its like your little online diary!...and ill be stealing your key from under your pillow and opening up the bottom drawer on your night stand...to sneak a peak every now and then.......i cant wait...