ok so i feel better but the loneliness is weighing on me...

kpp is taking a quick nap...so i can blog ...

I'm tired of being alone in love..

nobody is here to induce my artsy side...prompt my lovey dovey side...work up that side of me thats sooo soft (because lately...im a hard ass hahaha....yeah thats hilarious..ME a hardass...)...no one is here to temp that side of me that will make me get on my knees and give the best fellatio that ive ever given

hahahaah...did i just say that?...yep i did....but i need that...i need someone to excite me...propel me to my highest high....not to say that i do much....not to say when i find this person..i will become president...because i wont...i will just think great thoughts...i will love things again...(not just kpp lol)...i will love my photoshop creations (because lately i feel like everything i do it...blah!)........I've found that I need this motivation.

it seems to me lately that everything is banal and common...It would seem like i shouldnt feel this way...at this point in myu life now that i have the love of kpp.....i guess i want someone to share him with...yeah you may say...he has a father...but we arentcollaborators in love....but he and i dont have that "thing"....that thing i need...and i wont force it.....

yeah its something about THIS loneliness i feel...i think its probably because i have new people around me..people who say they care and love me......but none fo them show it as much as i would like...i always have to be "depressed" for them to care...because usually im the carer..not the careee hahaah thats not a word...but you get my drift lol.....they all just think about themselves...and i keep them around for the little attention i do get from them.....they dont SPARK ME.....have you ever had that feeling...of being in a room full of people...and you still feel all alone...well thats how i feel....some of my friends will probably be upset with me for saying this...they will probably not talk to me for a while...but its true...i listen..they talk...but none of them seem to hear me or give me advice when i soooo need it...or just be easy with me.......their lives revolve around them (which is never a bad thing but dont expect to be my sun because im not revolving around you)......and they seem to love the fact that "luuve will always be there"....so i continue to write on my blog about how boring and loney my life is...instead of writing entertaining and exhilarating blogshit..