soooo...now what?

so im sitting at my computer looking at pictures i took of kpp earlier this morning...and there is a *knock* at my door...

me: who is it?
end: me
me: who?
end: me

i get up and go to the door...look through the peephole

me: what?
end: let me in please
me: nope
end: let me in
me: nope...why would you come over here and not call first..
end: because i knew you wouldnt have let me in..
me: im still not letting you in
end: open the door...
me: call first please
end: okay

my home phone rings lol....

me: hello?
end: hi

we talk...talk for about 30 minutes with "end" sitting outside my door...well on the stairs..."end" finally leaves...this fool parked around the corner in hopes that when i heard the knock on my door that i wouldnt get up to look out the window to see the familiar car...didnt work...well "end" finally gets in the car and goes home...without me opening my door..

sorry but im not doing this again..sorry but im sticking to my guns...i want healthy relationships...doesnt matter if im friends, family, or lovers with a person i want it to be healthy....and when i see that any relationship im not in isnt healthy...im leaving..im not running...im walking away...(well not family lol cause u cant leave them lol)

so "end" talks...and talks and talks...then i talk and talk and talk...(until my mouth is dry) until my phone dies...

but to sum it all up...we will be "just friends"...you can call me whenever you want...i will be there for you..but honestly thats it on my part...im not going to try and build anything with you...im not...if that sounds mean...IM SORRY!...i told "end" this and im serious....

"end" however said that "MORE" is what is wanted from me..."end" said that the awakening period has now began..and now everything is more clear...well im happy...im happy that "end" is in this part of life..BUT...

i dont want to begin to build something with someone i have to baby...baby emotionally...you know...walk on eggshells because you are afraid you will hurt their feelings because of something you may say...or because of how i am.....im getting older and more mature...and i just want an easy relationship...friends or the other....and in my current friendships...its easy... ie...corey..."e"..."c" and eric.....they are all easy....but in love relationships it hasnt been so easy....only one relationship was it every really easy...but now...i want easy....yeah yeah i know there will be some ups and downs...but not all the time...i wont accept anything less...

so needless to say...me and "end" are "friends"....

and im cool with that...so now what?? lol...