what a day!!!

man oh man oh man...im tired tonight...i havent been this tired in a long time...well since the last time kpp was sick lol...

today was my son's first birthday...all were in attendance!!...i was soo proud that my mother came today...she always seems to have attendance issues..when things are important to me...but wow..today...today she came...i was soo happy...i was in the room when they first came soo frustrated because no matter how many times she comes to visit...she ALWAYS...gets lost...but they made it...

kpps dads family came...his stepmom...and two nieces and nephew...his 2 young brothers and his little sister...man it was just good...i was really happy that they came...

my two girlfriends from work brought their little ones...it was just soo good..to know that kpp is loved you know...that he is loved not only by me..but by his friends and family....

its soo crazy because my apartment is like two inches big...and after asking dad to have it at his place and not really getting an answer...because he has sitting issues as well...but just a bigger place...i just decided..hey its your son..lets do it...it turned out well...everyone who came...knows my place is small...so they adjusted...i was kinda worried but oh well..it was my sons birthday so we all just adjusted...it was a great time...

and if you read my blog or know me..you know i get all emotional...so i was in the kitchen a couple of times just crying lol...crying cause man this year has been sooo hard for me...just with dad and his family..and my family...and being a new mom..and gaining new friends...and feeling unworthy of this great child...and just not having a love to share it with...so its been hard...but man...everytime i looked at him...mingling with folks in the living room...i would just go in the kitchen and tear up lol....the first few months of his life...he was always just with me...babysitter and me...and its just sooo great to see him growning into a little sociable person...he isnt that social...but i can tell that one day he will be a nice little kid...

dad kept saying...go out there and be social...and i was just thinking naww...i dont want people to see me crying lol...im just soo weird i guess...it was just a fantastic day...i took alot of pictures...

and when everything was over...i got kpp and (he hadnt been sleep all day..woke up at 547am so he was really tired!)...he went right to sleep...i mean in less than 2 minutes..he was sleeping...i was just soo happy..usually he goes with his dad on sunday...but today...it almost seemed like i was soo busy trying to get everything together that i really hadnt sat down with him to just love on him...so when he feel asleep in my arms...maaaaannn...my heart just melted..his dad and my mom had been holding him...but man when he just laid in "his spot" in my arms...i just melted...i asked dad "do you still want him to go with you?"...cause deep down i didnt want him to leave...i wanted to do just what i was doing..holding my son...just relax and hold him...let him know that i will always be there for him...no matter what happens...i will be there for him...teaching him and letting him know that I LOVE HIM SOOO MUCH!!...

man today was one of the best days of my life...you know you always have your top ten days...today was in my top five!!!and just think he has his whole life ahead of him...plenty more birthdays like this..wow...im a mother!! lol...

ps...lol i know with all this emotion...when he is like 12 or 13 lol he will say..."that was my party..i dont remember that!....that was wack!"...and then ill have to smack him lol...