Tuesday, February 01, 2005

Sleepless Nights (Un-loving You)

This is an experience of a relationship's bitter end and the reflection upon it during a string of particularly sleepless night.

I lay awake,
Staring blankly at the ceiling fan
Hoping that sleep will eventually find me
But it won't
Unsavory memories flood my thoughts
My brain just won't shut down
Mind reeling about things done that can't be undone
Head swimming with should haves, and why didn't I's
I start to wonder will I ever get it right?
Will I ever truly be satisfied?
Why is un-loving you so damn hard
The last question stirs something inside of me
Makes me nauseous
But I can't hide from it
Can't hide in the shadows
Can't cover my head with my blanket
Can't escape it because I thought it
And now it's here with me filling up the space in my room
And I realize something is missing
I am missing the piece that completes my life's puzzle
And I wonder if there is even a perfect fit out there
Because I've only been left with the wrong pieces
Pieces like you
And I've tried unsuccessfully to fit them inside my heart and soul
And even though they don't fitI keep on working them in
And I KNOW it's wrong
I know YOU'RE wrong
But I'm so anxious to experience completeness
That I forfeit my intelligence
For brief moments of false absolution
And I am defeated once again
Destined to lay awake
Stare at the ceiling fan
Hoping that sleep will eventually find me
But knowing that it never will

maybe tonight ill be able to sleep....