Kwanzaa anyone???....

so this year...i really have to celebrate kwanzaa...so here goes...starting tomorrow...its crazy the first time i really celebrated it is when i first meet "dad" ..we went to this poetry reading with some of his friends...lol now that i think about it..that was the only thing we did to celebrate it...but this year...i HAVE TO...because its just a good thing to do...for kpp..teach him things about our culture...and how to love his people...

Sunday -- Umoja, meaning unity.
if my mom comes tomorrow...maybe we can hang out...or just hang with my little brother...go out again and do something...write in kpps baby book and let him know his first kwanzaa mommie reallys him to know what true family is all about..not this watered down version ive been giving him lol...

Monday -- Kujichagulia, meaning self-determination
this day will be all about loving me...loving the person ive become...i think ive grown alot in this past year...i used to want and need but today im glad to say i can stand on my own two feet without the help of others...now dont get me wrong help is always good..but i just feel like i dont need someone all the time like i used to...i think this year ive found that being alone with myself...you know when the baby is gone..and im home alone..that im all i have when i think about it...that when i lay down at night...im the one taking care of me...so loving myself this year wow...just saying it...wow...i love myself...its taken a long time..and of course i still have a ways to go..with all my faults..but wow i love myself..and i dont need someone to love me...lol not to say thats not a good thing...but i dont need someones' love to be sufficent...its crazy how life has taken me on a true roller coaster...from being sooo hurt earlier in the year...then putting all that hurt aside...to becoming a mother to the greatest kid eeevvver!!!...and learning to love him...thus learning to love me...not worrying about what people think...just kinda living life...i like this me these days...eventhough like i said..i do have faults...i just like this me...lol even with all the grinch stuff...i like this me...this me today is waaay better equiped to deal with problems and situations that im faced with everyday...i have seemed to pull the good out of a lot of the horrible things that ive faced lately...im proud of the person ive become...and you know what...i thought the jill scott song was soo stupid....but when i think about it...im living my life like its golden...i havent corrupted my beliefs this year for a relationship..when i thought it was bad for me...bad for my son...i let go...i havent corrupted the person i am...for people around me...when i thought they were bad for me...i either didnt speak with them or just let them know they werent good for me...wow...i have the self determination to be the best person i know who to be!!!..and im proud of me....

Tuesday -- Ujima, which means collective work and responsibility
i think for this one ill have to be more in tuned with my friends...to be more creative when coming up with solutions for their situations...give good advice....this may be alittle tough!

Wednesday -- Ujamaa, which means cooperative economics
this is a tough one..but ill have to try to do it...ill have to find shops owned and operated by african americans even if they are on the internet...and shop with them....(and yall know how much i loove the internet) but yeah ill try this one...

Thursday -- Nia, which means purpose.
im trying to think what i can do for this one...?? i dont know yet...by thursday ill have a sure plan and goals...but as i read over this...my plan is to write the childrens book...and let african american children know that they are truely beautiful..umm...i want this one to be good..so ill have to really think...

Friday -- Kuumba, which means creativity
this one is an easy one...i love to be creative...but i promise this year to find more ways to be creative...paint more..write more..and you know what...IM GOING TO WRITE THE BOOK I ALWAYS WANTED...a book for children...about african american children...yeah yeah yeah i know its a 1000 books out there for them..but this will be 1001!! wow im really going to do this...or at least start...ill have to ask a couple of people...african americans...wow..this could be a big thing for me!...and dedicate the book to baby kpp!!

Saturday -- Imani, which means faith.
i must continue to have faith and let people know it...let it shine from my intermost being.....i think im an encourager...i try to encourage my friends and those around me everyday...a lady at the job told me once..that i inspire her...i asked why and she said...you inspire me to smile ...because everyday you have that smile on your face or i hear that crazy laugh of yours...even when i know you arent having a good day...you dont let your bad mode rub off on others...and i just looked at her saying these things about me...and you know it...i SMILED...i try to keep my emotional side at home...i try to keep it away from the emotional people around me...lol thus being sooo emotional around the people i think are the strongest..the people i think that can handle my emotional side...lol....which are only like 2 or 3 folks in my circle...because everyone else are like wwaaaayy more emotional than me..but now that i blog..this will be a good outlet for me...to ummm...let it all out...its a great thing lol...and i will pray alittle more...not just when i have a problem or some issue..but just let the Lord know that im grateful...i do pray a lot...but this year pray and give thanks more...thank him for making my shoulders lighter...thank him for giving me a place to lay my burdens down...i just want to be encouraged this year...just to be alittle happier when i speak my truths...so on saturday...i will have MY faith..the faith that comes from knowing that God loves me...and He truely protects me and my littel kpp...and maybe that doesnt mean going to church every sunday...but i will try to just show that i am true believe in GOD...that he is my father......

wow celebrating kwanzaa will be a good thing...wow...makes me think about my life...and where i came from...just the pain and hurt that ive endured...wow...i love my life...some days i complain...but i wouldnt change one thing...i have know regrets...it has all been a huuuge experience..that ive been able to bear...and besides like "dad" says...if anything changed in my life....'WHO WOULD I BE?'.......