okay so ive been lusting after these lomo cameras

for weeeks now...well lookie lookie...come to find out...my
sony macavia can do some of the same things...and its digital :)

look at these pics





and then this one...i just did the coloring using PHOTOSHOP 7.0.. i loooove this program...but check out the picture...

lol so i bought this book..the darkside zodiac...
its a really good book...if you know me..you know im all into the zodiac...i guess its because i always want to know everything....

well mainly the book is about all the bad things about different zodiac signs...so im reading...and i go to look up something about scorpios on the net...

and this is what i come to...lol..intresting...its soo true about me...

We could write a whole book about the looks that Scorpio gives. We'd have a chapter on staring and a chapter on x-ray vision. No doubt people say things about Scorpio's eyes: "If looks could kill," "I feel like you're mentally undressing me," etc. Scorpio has proven the ability to hold on. Scorpio's staying power is second to none. Now Scorpio needs to learn to let go. Every day Scorpio needs to find something to sell, give away, throw out or burn. If Scorpio wants to get the most out of life, Scorpio needs to let go of old crap, literally, figuratively, and most of all, psychologically.

well ummm nothing is really going on with me lately....

friday i stopped by the library and picked up some dvds...i love to get movies ive never heard of...i never read what they are about...and just watch them...its a nice suprise...well we (me and kpp) got the movies...came home..and chilled out...

oh yeah i bought him lion king 2...he loved it...

saturday...ummm...we watched movies...and slept most of the day away lol...woke up later on...and ate something...then watched more movies...

um today...sunday...we slept forever...then dad picked kpp up...i went right back to sleep...watched more movies...and got back in the bed...go back up...and now ummm...im blogging and waiting for kpp to get home.....man what a restful weekend...

but damn too much sleeping..has made my body tired...i woke up saturday morning with a crook in my neck...and after massaging it...it finally fells better...

oh well...nothing is going on...i love these kinds of weekends... :)

Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.

i was soo sad earlier..you can tell my blog...i just got finish putting my son to sleep..and he has only been here for alittle while but damn lol he wore me ouuuut!!! lol...

but as i was holding him...i was just thinking...wow..this kid is the best gift ive ever been given...forget about love...forget about how sucky your day went...forget about all that stuff...and enjoy him...enjoy this wonderful gift that god gave me....

so needless to say...im smiling...i was hanging out with my girlfriend after work and with all the talking about my sucky day...which isnt even important to me now...i just got sooo sad...like damn...i cant wait for that job to be over..and to move on...and i cant stand some folks in my family lol but it will get better...and then with all the love talk..the ups and downs of my past love...i just got soo down...but now...awwwww im smiling

its not important...when dad and my son was at the door tonight...my spirit just lefted...i looked at them through the peephole...with the tears still filling my eyes...i tried to wipe them away quickly.....and it was amazing lol...dad was trying to cover his face...to hide him from me...well to hide me from kpp...just playing with kpp....i wanted to smile this huuuuge smile...but the previous tears wouldnt let me...you know i mean i had these tears still in my eyes...but again i wiped them and i let them on in...and dad immediately started to undress him...i could tell he saw some sadness in my eyes because he really didnt say a word...and i was just standing back watching...like aww..they look soo freaking cute...and i smiled....i just wiped those old tears away agin...and smiled...and just kinda waiting on the sidelines for dad to giiiive me my boy..thats always the routine lol...when they come in...i get the boooy...but tonight it didnt happen like that..i guess because he saw me sad or something.....seems like tonight he was hoggin all the lovin lol...but i just watched them together...it was cute...how kpp looks at him...i always want them to share time together and bond...and i never want to stand in the way of it...so it seemed like tonight something was different...i just stood back and watched them...i guess seeing them together made me even more happy....and its like whenever im being a mean "baby momma" lol its because i want them to be just like hey were tonight all the time...for kpp to never miss out on his father's love...

its crazy...i just see how i am...im such an emotional person...and i try not to show it lol but its alllllwaaaay allllll over my face...and i can tell when dad senses it...he doesnt say anything to me...he hates it i think..well i know he hates it...but i mean...its me..its who i am...and how i was raised to be open and honest about emotions and feelings...and you know we are just different....and its okay...i accept it...

but i guess i said alll this to say lol....when things get to me during the day...i cant bring them home...now that i have my son...when my family pisses me off to the highest...i cant bring it home...and home is when i see my son...when i see my son i have to give him everything i have...all the good....every bit of the good...its not like im faking it...but im giving him what he needs...the love i have...the laughter...the hugs and kisses...the smiles...all that good stuff..

after dad left...i just watched my son beat up one of his toys and smiled...smiled because i love him soo much...and he is the greatest...smiled because no matter what happens in my day he is the greatest thing ever...smiled because i have a life that people only dream about...people envy my life...envy my joy...envy the smiles they get from me...because folks always say you are never sad "t" and i just smile adn say...i have alot to be happy about...to be happy for...man i smiled because i am loved...loved not only by my god...my family and friends...my great son...but im loved by me....i love me...and i have to let other things go to the waste side when they get me down...awwwwwww...im smiling right now...and man thats a 360 turn from earlier...

and i think thats where i mess up alot in my relationships....when i was sad about my day i brought it home and tried to talk about it...or tried to talk through it..and to some men its seen as a weakness...i messed up because i was with the wrong kind of person...or at least i didnt explain it well..i was just in the sad mood...and couldnt really get out of it fast enough for them..i donno...but whatever it was...its okay now...i want to be able to just be who i am with someone..or be who i am alone....be sad or upset...without being punished or critized for it...(oooppps i had a flashback)lol... but its okay...im smiling right now...i know that one day...it will get better...shit...its better right now....i know that i have to be my own light in the dark room...and tonight i did just that...smiled a smile that only i would enjoy and love...realize that i have to make it good for me...that no one else can...and i did it...i did it on my own...without having to hear from some guy that he loves me...i got over it..and when i think about my past...lol i have truly grown...ask me two or three years ago...i would still be sooo sad right now.....and wow i feel so empowered....when i said "you have to be like a duck and let it roll off your back"...it just rolled off my back...all that sadness....i realized that i have to get happy...and try to stay happy...that i have a choice in how my day begins and ends..and i want it to end tonight on a good note...HAPPY...

damn im just sitting here thinking about my love life...well my not so happening love life...well shit i cant even lie...i have no love life...i guess im just sitting here thinking about my past...and how love touched me and left a burning hole in my heart...its crazy...because when i think about my past love...ive come to the conclusion that i ruined it....just being the person that i am...

either too needy...not needing enough...too loving...not loving enough...too emotional...not emotional enough...too jerky...to something...always something...always ready to go...running from something...always...always something...

and now tonight im just thinking...just thinking about what my next love should be...or should i even dream about it....i always find myself comparing my past love to my future love...and i guess thats not a good idea...i always say...ok this is what i had...and what i had is not what i need..or want.....but when i truly think about it...its almost what i want...and its what i need...its just like...i donno...its like i need and want what i had...or it is sadness talking?? is it memories talking...but honestly i dont think so...its like....

i want the loving...the support...the smiles...that smell....the mean looks lol...just the shoulder i always used to lean on...literally...i used to just lean on his shoulder lol we would sit side by side and i would just lean on his shoulder..he probably doesnt remember it..but he didnt know i was doing it not for comfort but to let him know that without speaking a word that i loved him...just a real love....its crazy beacuse it used to annoy him...but man i loved it...and i would find myself doing it all the time...i didnt want to be annoying...but i wanted to just be in that "love world" just the state of happiness..in his space...not all the time just i wanted his shoulder....i donno...love is soo weird to me...you have to experience it to loose it...you have to experience it to want it...to need it...but man im sooo scared now...im sooo scared to do it again...to just love again...seems like when i even have a date...i compare..when i see some guy i compare how he looks...how his hair is...how he stands...how he walks...is his voice too deep to slow...will he remind me of my past love when we are on the phone...is his name too close to his name...i just compare...

and i find myself shooting every one down...finding some kinda fault in them...if he isnt like my past love...shooting them all down because they dont talk like him...think like him...or have that smell like him...that manly but natural smell like him....he only later started to wear cologne...and now if i smell a guy walking by and he smells like him...i look...or i reminisce...its jacked...because when we were together i would lay in bed when he wasnt there and just sniff "his side" his pillow...(is that sick or what?)...not to me...

i just...i donno...its been sooo long...soo damn long since i even said i love you...and its crazy because i still love him sooo much...its hard to even go through the day without thinking about him...without thinking about that love...man i just want to go through one day without thinking about him...without talking about him...without saying his name....or even seeing his face when i close my eyes...its crazy that when we were together...i never even thought about another man...not once...i never even wished i was with someone else..never...never once had feelings for someone else...its crazy...DAMN...IM OBSESSED...DAMN!!!...i just read this shit over..and damn im even embarrassed to put it up on my blog...but oh well...this is my release......im soo fucking obsessed with this man...and the crazy thing about it is...i try not to show it...i try to act like he has noooo affect on me at all...i try to play down the fact that i truly need him in my life...in some aspect...but you know...im only hurting myself when i think these thoughts...and the worst fact is that i cant even say for sure if he even fells this same way about me...that the way i fell about him is the way he feels about me.....i cant even say that he feels like im special to him...it makes me sad...i cant even say with certainty that he even likes me now...damn just typing that my eyes teared up...because we dont talk like we used to...we just have casual conversations...nothing ever major...nothing ever life changing...eventhough i consider him one of my favorite people...i try but its not healthy...man its been years...when i think about it...its been a looong time...a very long time since i even said i love you....yeah he gets on my nerves lol...but man i love him....

its crazy to think that i still have these feelings for him after years of not even kissing him...not even a long hug from him...a "jailhouse kiss" its crazy....but i do...and i donno..maybe its the fact that there is no one in my life right now...maybe its the fact that no one is occupying my time that i feel these feelings...maybe its because im home tonight without my son...maybe its the fact that someone asked me today could i see myself with anyone besides him when im 70 and i cant...i see myself with him...STILL...its soo sad...i guess its the fact that when my friend asked was that my real love....i answered immediately that i thought he was my love...and its sad because i dont think he feels the same way anymore...or just maybe...just maybe i still need him...eventhough he doesnt need me...

i wish i could run...i wish i could run far away and never come back...just run and erase it all...but then would i want to...those times where some of the best in my life...just sitting...just watching tv or a movie...just riding no real place at all...just loving....the best in my life...so if i did run...where would i hide..those feelings will still follow me...they will be there...still....be...right...here....in my heart....

Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.

i dont have much to say tonight...shit when i think about it i havent said one real word all night...its crazy...just maybe to the baby...eat eat or lay lay...no "REAL WORDS"...man when you dont have someone your own age around its crazy...but whatever im getting old...my friends call me an old maid...and im beginning to agree with them...i love to do things...but man always having to do things alone is for the birds...so today i just came home and guess what i did??!!! watched lion king 1 1/2 lol for the 50th damn time...actually that would be 50th and 51st lol because we watched it twice...

but look at these new pics of the baby..he is sooo wonderful...i mean he is just soooo great...he is my life you know...its crazy...i never thought he would consume me like he does...he has even learned how i am...i was laying on the floor tonight while he watched his movie...thinking lol im an old maid...and he just came and laid next to me...put his little arm on me lol...i wish someone couldve snapped that picture...it wouldve been cute...its crazy...

but okay look at these pics....

i love this picture...i guess i love the cool tent...


and this one..he is soo animated...like oooh noooo mom not another picture!


and this one hahaha...man i love him...the faces he gives me...he is just a cutey lol...



and then i snapped these when he started using it after dinner tonight lololol...he will hate me for these pics lol when he is older!!!

i cant believe someone besides the people i know reads my blog...thats pretty cool lol...im really hype about that lol okay on to my day...

well today was an okay day...i had lunch with a friend and the chili was greeeeatt!!! lol...its crazy because the first time i came to cincinnati dad took me to skyline...it was ummm a rather weird taste...its funny because i didnt even really like it...but now lol give me a cheese coney...hold the mustard and onions lol and a medium root beer hahahaha....im a cincinnati girl now!! lol...thats hilarious!!!

well after doing that i got my "displacement" papers from my job...its kinda weird to know that in 60 days i wont have a job...i wont have to get up at the crack of dawn to go to that office and sit and blog all day lol....its new...i cant wait to start something new...

what esle...ummm....i went shopping i bought some pretty girly clothes...i cant wait to wear them...

and ive been listening to this old but new to me artist...ERIC ROBERSON...i really love his music...and come to find out...he sang a debut with jill scott...ONE TIME...and oooh i sooo love that song....

One Time by jill scott and eric roberson

BOTH:
Never in my wildest days did I think I'd find someone like you
I like your style, you're swift, you're agile,
Everything about ya stays true

JILL:
You stood before the sun
Almost struck me blind,
You're so damn fine...

ERIC:
Thank you baby
And I know that you are meant to be with me
Part o' my design

JILL:
One time

ERIC:
You be the salt, I'll be your peppa
Give you flava foreva
Leave ya never
Don't you know, girl, I'm down for whateva

JILL:
You'll be my lemon, I'll be your tea,
Pure and naturally,
You'll be my leaf, I'll be your tree,
Your very definition of real.

BOTH:
Since you been goin' my way
Things have been goin' my way
Saturday Sunday Monday to Friday
I'm so happy you just make me wanna say to ya baby

Never in my wildest days did I think I'd find someone like you
I like your style, you're swift, you're agile
Everything about ya stays true

ERIC:
You appear'd before the sun
Almost struck me blind
You're so damn fine

JILL:
Thank you
And I know that you're meant to be with me
Part o' my design

ERIC:
One time

JILL:
Like cognate as to function
You're my and, but or, or conjunction
In the cadillac with the trunk bumpin'
Always down for somethin' somethin' somethin'

ERIC:
You'll be my feather, I'll be you wings
Goin' to fly things
Shinin' like some diamond rings
Enjoyin' what happiness brings

BOTH:
Since you been goin' my way
Things have been goin' my way
Saturday Sunday Monday to Friday
I'm so happy you just make me wanna say to ya baby

Never in my wildest days did I dream to find someone like you
I like your style, you're swift, you're agile
Everything about ya stays true

JILL:
You stood before the sun
Almost struck me blind
You're so damn fine

ERIC:
Thank you to the girl who needs to be with me
Part o' my design

JILL:
One time

BOTH:
Never in my wildest days did I think I'd find someone like you
I like your style, you're swift, you're agile
Everything about ya stays true

ERIC:
You appeared before the sun
Almost made me blind
You're so damn fine

JILL:
Thank you
And I know that you were meant to be with me
Part o' God's design

ERIC:
One time

JILL
One time
.......

awwwww man damn i love that song...you should really download it and listen to it hahahaah lol...

well that really was the highlight of my day...listening to that old song..i remember the first day i heard it...awww lol...love...the best memory ever....

well yesterday my friend and i were talking and i think i made him mad...well i did make him mad...because he told me today....well this is the story...he is going through some things with his family...cancer...so you know...death...well he said that his girlfriend wouldnt be accompaning him home to see his family...and it really upset me...i guess because i love him and want his relationship to work...well i just told him...if it were me i would be hurt that he didnt want me to come with him...well...we talked about it...and i just told him that it wasnt a good thing to go without his girlfriend...blah blah blah...i mean seeing someone vunerable is the foundation of a relationship...well one of the foundations...well so i ended up apologizing today...because i love him and want nothing but the best for him.... here is a bit of the email...

"...........but women take it sooo much differently than me...you just wanted not to seem like a "baby" but women need that...well at least i do...i cant speak for all women...but the ones iknow and talk to...want to feel like they are helpful...and needed...and i think it will show kim that you love her sooo much...and let her know that she is the most important person to you....awwww....im sorry for making you mad..but man i just get sooo passionate about love...and man you are one of my favorite people...and i want this love for you to last...and i want it to be a good love.........."

lol our relationship is soo weird to me...and i think its weird because we have accepted each other for what we are...and its just easy to talk....and then ummm once i said we would never do uuummm you know...we just got close...its cool...and he is one of my favorite people...and we talk about everything...

the other night i was talking about my dreams on my blog..and what i dream of becoming..and about me getting the packet for school..and maybe starting in spring...well tonight a friend asked me about it...i guess she has missed a couple of days of my wonderful intresting blog (hahaah)..well she asked why i hadnt shared this with her..and i donno...im secretive...i hate that about me...i am secretive because i hate rejection and want to be accepted...and i care too much of what people think of me.....like if i fill out all my paperwork then tell the special people in my life...all they can really say is cool...its my fear...to say out loud what i dream and what im passionate about and have someone come back and say...you sure? wow thats stupid..or for them to say im not smart or not a good person....but thats my fear..to not be accepted...its sad but true...

i guess i just want to find the person i can share everything with again...i used to feel like i found that in my ex...but now that we arent together...its kinda weird to share everything with him...i wish i could though...cause even if he didnt like something i dreamed or things i was passionate about...he was still supportive...and thats all i could ask for..but its like i dont want to feel that vunerable...it always makes me fall in love with him....and thats something i have to get over...

oh yeah...tonight i was cleaning up right...and i bought some heels....kinda pumpish...80s like...but really cute..to wear with some cute outfit i bought...trying to look girly again..lol..i donno...i think maybe if i dressed up more..i would feel like awesome all the time lol....so this chick at the job said she sometimes cleans in heels when her husband isnt home..just because the task is soo mundane...well i tried it tonight...the baby is sleeping lol and i just wanted to do something new and to see how it was.....and oooooooooh its soo sexxxxxy lol...im like walking around in my heels...nice ones by the way (i said that already but its true)...but im just cleaning and sweeping...and then thinking like daaamnnn..if i had a man right now...i would rock his world hahahaha...(alllll this penned up aggression lol grandma klump!!!hahahaa) ima mess!!! lol..but man its true...so lol yeah my weekend was great..and tonight was even better lol...

only a scorpio would do that haahahahah thats hilarious...

well i kinda sorta had a bad weekend...but as the days went on it got better :)...see making lemonade outta lemons lol..im goofy...

well i had to go to the hospital on friday night...ive had an ulcer for some time now and it started to really act up...my doctor told me maybe with the stress and not eating this week IIIII caused the flare up...so of course his prognosis was...STOP STRESSING...AND EAT SOMETHING AND drink some milk...

well i stopped stressing...even though my son went with his dad on saturday night...but i was really cool...its like wow...he was gone..i missed him..but i wasnt all sad like i was the first time..but okay...i stopped stressing..and once i filled out all my paperwork for school...that was off on my mind too...im just emotional i guess...i blame everything on being a scorpio..lol...i try to be easy when things happen in my life but...i always end up getting emotional or worrying too much...its sad because ive lost love like that...im trying to change it....and its crazy because if i dont have someone helping me i forget not to be so emotional...

well so saturday we just laid around...watching "LION KIIIINGG!!!" if i see that movie ooooonnne more time...lol...i will know alll the words lol...i was going to say scream lol but what would be the point...i would just scare my son and he would cry lol...and wants that...lol..

so saturday...my friends came over...and we watched dogville...some boring movie Nicole Kidman is in..and sat around and painted our toes...lol well i was the painter lol...but we did that all night and talked about men and women and how they are and how we are...and i just had a good time...it was nice and easy...then they went home...i went to sleep...and my friend was in town..and lol she is crazy...thats all i will say about her....crazy...some people dont realize or understand this "new me" as she called it..and i guess im tired of trying to explain it...i just see life different now..its not a game...not like im soo conscience or something...but after i found out i was carrying a child...life changed drastically for me...

and ummm...sunday..i did my normal..brunch with a friend...and shopping...and its soo nice to be with friends...to be myself...and talk and laugh and be me...if i feel something i can share it..without the backlash of what i think someone will say...or how they will look at me...its just nice to be around people who accept you in spite of allll your faults and iniquities (lol and i have many)...

came home and watched football...THE STEELERS!!! DAMMMMNNN!!! LOL..i couldnt believe that whooping my boys got last night...i just turned it off and went to the store lol...it was soo sad...lol

so that was my weekend...see i told you...it started off bad..but man i feel sooo blessed to have good friends...i dont have many but i cherish the ones i have...i know i could probably go more places and do more things with them...but lol i dont like to sometimes....i would rather stay home play on the net or walk with the baby and snap pictures...lol my time with him...and i think thats why we are friends..because they dont pressure me...they just let me be who i am...and they know if they ever need me ill be right there...well there in about 15 minutes lol...

but this weekend...it just showed me that i have really got a home here in Cincinnati...ive built these friendships that i thought i didnt have...and i was willing to give them all up for a move...but now i donno...its like my friends have become mine and kpps family...when i lost my other family after dad and i broke up i didnt really know what i would do...i knew it wouldnt ever be the same with them and after everything was all said and done i was right...its awkward...like i know they love me...but i always feel like im "just the grandson's mother" now...not like how they used to treat me...but in reality i AM JUST that "the grandson's mother" lol......well needless to say...my friends have become our family now...and its reasuuring to know i have someone beside me here in the city again...

why did the weatherman lie??? i hate when they say it will only snow maybe 1 or 2 inches...i always get ready for like 3 or 4....its horrible...this city sucks...no salt trucks...no shovling trucks...nothing....oh well...i just have to get ready for tomorrow...a day full of more snow...and shut my mouth and live with it...ok sorry to rant and rave on my blog lol...

oh yeah the second part of my blog is my dreams...one of my dreams in life is to start an afterschool program for kids...ive been thinking about it for years now...but i truely want to start my own....i dont know what made me think about this tonight but i started thinking about it....i started to think about the dreams i had before i became a parent...and its kinda cool...well its kinda cool because im moving toward these dreams...or at least making baby steps...

wow...THE KPP LEARNING CENTER...or KHALIL LEARNING CENTER...hahaha lol thats funny...i used to have a different name for it...but i think this name is fitting...

KIDS/PARENTS/PEDAGOGY....

but another dream of mine is to become a web designer...to own my own company...but ive kinda put it on the backburner for a couple of years now...but i really want to do it...so i signed up for school...i hope to start in the spring..to become that great web designer i think i can be.....so im happy about that...im reeeally happy about it...

so we will see what happens...im excited..lol can you tell...when im excited...i say "im excited" like 50 times lol.....and guess what?? i havent shared this with anyone yet...so if you are reading this...you are the FIRST TO KNOW!!!...

im excited!!!..

wtf!!!!!!!! i dont like this chick at all!!! fake soap opera star!!!!!!!! i want elizabth baaackk!!!! lol but nooo she wants to be a movie star!! lolol man i dont like her...maybe next week she will do better!!

my little solider has been ill so i havent been on the blog lately...but he is on the mend and sleeping right now..so i thought i would take alittle time for me...before i go and crash with him...

i have alittle something to share....lol...my girlfriend loooves to send me spam!!! well today was good spam lol...she is in some group and they sent it to the members...blah blah blah...well i got it..and im loving it...BUT STOP SENDING ME SPAM MS LADY!!!!!!!

oh yeah back to the spam lol...here it is.....50 things you can do to show your bbw you love her...the title said i think...but i think these are things you can do for any woman...especially ME!!!

i know if i had someone who did half the things on the list i would be happy lol...oh well...ill bold the ones i think are the most special...

1. Brother love yourself first.
you really must do this..man ive been with folks who didnt think they were worthy of love...my love...so it was hard to get through to them that i would be there for them through the thick and the thin...it was hard for them to trust me because they never trusted anyone...so fellas..if you love yourself first...damn love could be a beautiful thing...
2. Start each day by hugging her.
3. Serve her breakfast in bed.
4. Say, "I love you" every time you part ways with her.
yeah say you love me...it just does something to me..makes me have a better day or something...i love it..
5. Compliment her freely and often.
6. Appreciate - and celebrate - her differences.
let me know that my emotional side isnt bad...let me know that you cherish it...let me know that im not some bad person for it...im emotional about alot of things in my life..and when i love...i get very emotional...im not one of those unemotional dry people..so that gets me slapped in the face alot...but back to the 50 lol...
7. Live each day as if it's your last with her.
8. Write her unexpected love letters.
9. Plant a seed with her and nurture it to maturity.
this could mean alot of different things..but man if you do something with me...create an idea with me...love with me....teach me something new...and sit with me while it grows...while i learn it...damn thats a beautiful thing...i love to learn and show someone just how much i know...its like a big kid...i love to show off the new things i know...especially to the man i love...its great...
10. Go on a date once every two weeks with her.
11. Send her flowers for no reason.
12. Accept and love her family and friends.
13. Make little signs that say "I love you" and post-them all over the house for her.
14. Stop and smell the roses with her.
15. Kiss her unexpectedly.
this one will send chills down my spin...literally..make me get crazy in a milisecond...thats a great thing...just a soft kiss on the lips or on a shoulder..or on the forehead when im sleeping...ooooh makes me wanna umm...lol cant say the baby is watching lol
16. Seek out beautiful sunsets with her.
17. Apologize to her sincerely.
18. Be forgiving with her.
let me know that you love me eventhough i did something you didnt like...never shut me out...because man i always got your back...
19. Remember the day you fell in love - and recreate it.
20. Hold her hands.
21. Say you love her with your eyes.
22. Let her cry in your arms.
im a big cry baby lol
23. Tell her you understand.
24. Drink toasts of love and commitment to her.
25. Do something arousing with her.
26. Let her give you directions when you're lost.
27. Laugh at her jokes.
28. Appreciate her inner beauty.
29. Do her chores for a day.
30. Encourage her wonderful dreams.
31. Commit a public display of affection with her.
32. Give loving massages to her with no strings attached.
33. Start a love journal for her and record your special moments.
34. Calm her fears.
35. Walk barefoot on the beach with her.
36. Ask her to marry you again.
37. Say yes to her.
38. Respect her.
39. Be her biggest fan.
40. Give the love she wants to receive.
41. Give the love you want to receive.
damn this one is one of the best on the list...be a great lover...and ill let you know that its wonderful by showing you how great i can be...
42. Show interest in her work.
43. Work on her project together.
44. Build a fort with blankets with her.
better yet..read a great book in bed with me...oooh thats sooo special...and who knows you may get lucky lol...
45. Swing as high as you can on a swing set by moonlight with her.
46. Have a picnic indoors on a rainy day with her.
47. Never go to bed mad at her.
this is another one that shouldve been high on the list...this is soo great...i can only say ive done this with one man..and i think it was because he truely loved me...with no hesitation...no matter what happened throughout the day...some how our feet found each other in bed..once the feet found each other...then came hands and hugs..and it was back to loving again....man i miss those days...
48. Put her first in your prayers.
49. Kiss her goodnight.
50. Sleep like spoons with her.
oooh this will get the heat going in like uummm 5 seconds...just to feel the arms of the man i love around me...bodys close...awww man...its a wonderful feeling i must say...

awww this list almost made me cry...i miss love...and loving someone with all you have...i really miss it...im afraid these days...but im open to it...wow love...a four letter word..that means sooo much...

detroit car show!
man i love cars!!! new ones old ones...it doesnt matter...they are all great!!!
i love to just look at them lol...i think it was my father growning up...he had a old school car that i was soo in love with...he hardly let me ride in it or even touch it...so i think thats were the fetish and fantasies come from lol...

but other than my son and the car show...there isnt much else to talk about...my two favorite things..my son and cars lol...oh yeah and how the steelers played tonight!
YESSS!!!


oh yeah i do have something else to talk about....i made two profiles on two different sites last night....you know those want ads...the online dating sites....im hoping to at least to make some friends...if not more...to have some easy conversation...

i was talking to a friend last night...and she said that she would have to date at least 10 people to find the right person...my reply was....DAMN! i cant even find 5 people....hahaaaha lol

so well...i put my profile up...lets see who will respond lol...she made me do it!! but maybe...just maybe..it may be a good idea....




awww im soo in love with my son!! lol! lol he is soo handsome!



and damn today everyone kept saying he looks like me...and man i see it now...he does...i think he looks more like my brother...but wow...there is alittle me out here!! lol

but these are the pics we just took lol we had a long day...but i could NOT take the pics we were dressed alike! lol....im soo glad to be out of that damn car!!

my son! he is soo awesome...he is good sweet boy..excepts when he tries to hit lol..but other than that...he is a good...so man look at these pics of him


he is too cute..those eyes...


oh yeah he is a crybaby lol..ive spoiled him soo much!

when i pick him up from daycare..he gives me this smile...man!!!! no matter what kind of day i had...it all vanishes...and i smile back..and thank god for giving me this son...

thats his momma please look lol...he always does this when i tell him NO!!...looks at me and smiles...already!!!
oooook enough of him lol...

awwww...my girl serena left the show last night....with a bang!!! hahaha.. "....is this about me being a lesbian?"...hahha hell naw....

i couldnt believe that...oh well...everyone is a lesbian these days...but she will be missed...i love her voice...seems like everyone they have in that spot...has some weird voice...
Elisabeth Rohm ..... Asst. Dist. Atty. Serena Southerlyn (2001-2005)
Angie Harmon ....... Asst .Dist. Atty. Abbie Carmichael (1998-2001)
Carey Lowell ....... Asst. Dist. Atty. Jamie Ross (1996-1998)
Jill Hennessy ...... Asst. Dist. Atty. Claire Kincaid (1993-1996)
Richard Brooks ..... Asst. Dist. Atty. Paul Robinette (1990-1993)..and yeah black dude's voice was really weird...i think i love hoarse voices lol...

i didnt know the dating process would be this difficult...you know...trying to get to know someone...asking all those dumb and silly questions...man its stupid...i wish my "right" person would just walk up to me and everything was just easy...oh well its not lol...so now i have to think of some good questions...

im tired of "so luuvely...what are you looking for in a man?"...or this one..."so tell me alittle bit about yourself?"....

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

i hate them...ill think of something slick..but until then...im stuck asking the same dumb questions everyone else asks...hahaha...

oh yeah i got my hair done tonight...you remember my new years resolution was to look my best all the time...or at least try to...well here goes....



..and yall now i have to try and be super sexy lol...nite :)

its soo funny that my good friend derek and i always talk...so today i was kinda do some other things...and i couldnt really get it together to email with him today...so he texted my phone saying...

derek: u ok?
me: yes

then when i get back to the office...im like whats up..all worried that he isnt okay...and he assured me that he was fine...and we started our email chat today...

well then he said the sweeeeeeeeetest thing..man i love him lol..

he said..."......Miss you...that's all...got to get my Vitamin T
each day you know..?

man that was soo sweet lol..makes me feel like a 100000000 million bucks!! lol...

awwwww....so like 10 minutes ago..im sitting here at my computer...and my son is on my bed in the other room watching cartoons..(he is 11months).you know the ones...with all the singing...so he can dance...but it drives me soo crazy...all the noise...and singing...la la la la la....so i came to get on the net...well...he starts to whine and i reassure him that he is okay..im just in here...(mind you he can see me) and to watch his video...well he stops whinning..and im thinking...cool...good he is chilling.......WELL TO MY SUPRISE!!!...he was strategizing a way to get down off the bed....did i just hear hands hitting the floor?...crawling in here?...naw i couldnt have...he doesnt know how to get off the bed yet.......

OOOOOOOOOOH YES YOU DID!!!!

my son is growning up guys...he came in here...he crawled his little butt in here...off the bed...onto the floor...right in here with a huuuge smile on his little face...awwwwwww...

WHATS NEXT??? ...WALKING??....awwww.... :) i love him sooo much :)

"forgive me father its been 3 days since my last blog!!!"

wow...today was soo boring..you know the same ole same ole...go to my job and do nothing all day...im usually bored out of my freaking mind all day...so i ebay...talk on the phone...blog roll...ebay...look at nice furniture i could never afford...blogroll...ebay...and then...

a call..i havent heard this voice in a long time...not that long but long enough...i thought i said i was leaving 2004 behind...well tonight, my friend...its back in full effect...and alot of feelings are back with it...man thats jacked because ive been thinking about the voice since i last heard it this afternoon...thinking about what happened....damn...i thought 2005 would be the bomb year...well its not over yet...its only been 7 freaking days...so what am i talking about...everything will be back to the way they were when i wake up in the morning...back to the way they have been for a while now...back to just not thinking...or at least trying not to think about it...and ill go on...but until morning...i have the whole night to just think about it and say...wow...that voice...awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww that very special voice...

nite :)

man i love to shop...i love to buy things for...me...my son...my family...or my friends...i found myself buying things i didnt need tonight..clothes of course...but oooh it made me soooooooo happy...is funny because i actually started smiling as i walked out of one of the stores....

what does shopping do to you....mess with some chemical in your brain and say "smile you just bought something"....ummm...i donno...but whatever it does...buying things made me soo happy tonight...

hahhaahah...thats sooo sad...

MY NAME IS TONE AND IMA SHOPAHOLIC!

my life is getting soo funny...i went to applebees yesterday and they have those 3 dollar drinks...well i was with a friend and didnt want to drink so i said...non-alcholic daquiri...well i order the "whatever fruity booty drink" and the waiter brings it out...i sniff to make sure its nothing added...and as soon as i suuuuuckk it down..my head starts to feel weird lol...so i think to myself..."oooh nooo...was there alcohol is that??!!!"....the waiter walks by...he smiles (i guess to get a bigger tip! NOT)....

wellll....the waiter comes back...NOT SMILING...and ask

waiter: "UUMMMM...SORRY MA'AM...I THINK I MIXED YOUR DRINK...WITH ANOTHER CUSTOMERS DRINK!"
me: thinking...ummm...ok i knew i wasnt crazy...there was alchol in this drink!!...AHHAHAHAHAH ARE YOU KIDDING??
waiter: no ma'am...i gave you the wrong drink...
me: ok! so now what??...
waiter: can i see your ID...
me: alittle typsy...HECK NO...if i was 15 you are going to jail lol...but no you cant see my ID....ive sucked that drink down...
waiter: are you serious...
me: DEAD SERIOUS!
waiter: im really sorry again...ma'am..
me: typsy STOP CALLING ME MA'AM...
waiter: so this will probably affect my tip...so ill give you guys free appetizers...

the waiter leaves...

my date: thanks in advance for the appetizers brother...but...you are not getting a tip...hhahaha
me: aww thats mean lol...but oh well...

WTF??!!! now you got me...someone who can NOOOT hold her liquor...drunk lol off 2 dariquis lol...because the first one got me typsy...so im like what the hell...bring us another one...AND YOU THINK YOU ARE GETTING A TIP!! AWWW HELL NAW...hahhaaah...thats hilarious...well i kinda felt bad..and left him $3bucks...and stumbled out of the place...drunk as heck...

so i said to my date...after he asked what should we do next...i said umm...go home home and get in the bed...now this is the same guy..i didnt want to come across is over sexual...well looks like i did...

wow..life is crazy lol...

the new year lol...wow...the new year...

my biggest resolution is to look and feel my best! to always "at least try" to look and feel my best....so yesterday lol i started...and i hope this last for more than 2 days lol...but lets just see where 2005 takes me lololol...

so friday i came home....and i get a text message from my friend asking if i want to spend the new years with him at his friends house party.....but my first thoughts were those of my mother..."whomever you are with on new years eve will be the person you are with for the year!" hahahaa....(for me this shit really happens...even if the year is bad with that person!) so i thought again...and again...and after thinking some more...tried to put kpp down for a nap...and ended up falling asleep with him.....woke up and thought some more about it......and said nooooo!! lol...

so after i declined lol...my phone does this funky little thing...and needless to say it no longer works hahaha...he said he was pissed but thats okay...we talked alittle on the net...and i guess he understood because i gave him a million reasons why i coudnt attend...

so thats that...i put in kpps movie...LION KING 1 1/2...he looves that movie...i think its because of all the singing..and TIMONS..funny voice...because he laughs and dances for the whole movie...well we watch that...and im chatting with "dad" and blog rolling...

well i tell "dad" that i was going to go with a friend but couldnt contact him (which was the truth) but i was kinda happy i my phone was acting up...because i didnt really want to go out anyway...but ask him if he had plans and he says no...i couldnt believe it..damn we are both alone of new years hahaha...life is crazy...but we continue to talk....you know our conversations lol.....we hate our friends...we need new ones...the baby boy...his new thing of the day...we are some old folks...his "half way girlfriend"...and blah blah blah lol...so we just talk about nothing and something at the same time....so then he asks if im busy and do i want some company and dinner??....

ummmm...what?? ha ha ha...is this a joke from the gods...if so this shit aint funny!!! because i just said i didnt want to be in the presence of anyone who gives me the blues lol...and "dad" surely gives me the blues...in no fault of his own...i think i do it to myself...but oh well...shit...what do i say...ummm...(NO GAMES IN 2005...UMMM...)...sure....

so we order the food...he brings it and we chill out..its crazy...because i thought kpp would start walking into the new year hahaha (YEAH RIGHT)...or something big would happen...thats what id been thinking at work earlier...but when the ball dropped...i think we both looked at kpp..and said happy new year to "him" haha...thats hilarious...and i think that was a good sign...that kpp will be the thing in 2005!! i love that kid...he is sooo sweet...went into the new year eating "teddy grahams and raisins" lol...and that he would be our biggest priority.....

so wow...kpp had his family for new years...i didnt expect it..and i didnt even get overly excited about it like i wouldve in the past.....i just saw it as "good"...im growning and its only one day into the new year lol..

well yesterday kpp woke up with a fever...i was kinda scared..so because my stupid phone is sooo stupid...dad came to get us and we hung out with him...just in case of an emergency...looking for furniture...haaha....kpp ended up being okay...i think its all the beans ive been feeding him...not that good for his little belly...so ill stopo that...but we hung out...and man oh man oh man....look what i finnallly bouught!! after like what everyone saying something about it...but lookie lookie lol...im suuuck a geek!!



well me and dad played with for a while...then he went home..and i played with it all night hahaha...(that sounds kinda nasty...WE PLAYED WITH THE PHONE freaks!!)...but its cool...not one of those high tech camera phones..but just what i need...something that works..but looks really cool lol...

so that was my jan 1st..from begining to end...