Tuesday, January 25, 2005

my dreams..my secrets...my faults...

the other night i was talking about my dreams on my blog..and what i dream of becoming..and about me getting the packet for school..and maybe starting in spring...well tonight a friend asked me about it...i guess she has missed a couple of days of my wonderful intresting blog (hahaah)..well she asked why i hadnt shared this with her..and i donno...im secretive...i hate that about me...i am secretive because i hate rejection and want to be accepted...and i care too much of what people think of me.....like if i fill out all my paperwork then tell the special people in my life...all they can really say is cool...its my fear...to say out loud what i dream and what im passionate about and have someone come back and say...you sure? wow thats stupid..or for them to say im not smart or not a good person....but thats my fear..to not be accepted...its sad but true...

i guess i just want to find the person i can share everything with again...i used to feel like i found that in my ex...but now that we arent together...its kinda weird to share everything with him...i wish i could though...cause even if he didnt like something i dreamed or things i was passionate about...he was still supportive...and thats all i could ask for..but its like i dont want to feel that vunerable...it always makes me fall in love with him....and thats something i have to get over...

1 comments:

minXXX said...

Good Morning, Well, I have read your blog and I can honestly say you are one strong WOMAN. I can understand you feeling that you cannot get over your ex. I am going through it myself, but I don't have any children. I think I would be a bit happier if I had had a baby from him. Reading your blog, really makes me feel like I can go on. I admire you and hope this isn't being intrusive. You are a special woman and deserve the best. take it easy girl. Patti. ;o)